Second Chances
by hpforever01
Summary: Lily had always believed that love was something which only happened once in a lifetime. When James dies in the attack at Godric's Hollow and she survives, she is forced to rethink that belief. Are there second chances at love? Or is that too much to ask from one lifetime?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

_**The End**_

'Lily, take Harry and go! It's him! Go! Run! I'll hold him off –'

Lily scooped Harry up in her arms and fled the room. Under different circumstances, she would never have left James alone. Every instinct in her would have been screaming that she must stay and fight beside her husband; that if they were going to die, they should do so together.

But she had another instinct in her now: that of a mother. The mother's instinct in her told her that she must save Harry, and the mother's instinct was stronger than any other. Harry's safety was more important than anything else. More important even than James, though it just about killed her to leave him behind.

The numerous safety arrangements worked against her now as she realised she couldn't apparate out. Glancing out the kitchen window she discovered that the house was surrounded by Death Eaters. No hope of escaping out the back door then.

In a desperate attempt to buy time, she dashed up the stairs, Harry still clutched protectively to her chest. She found herself in Harry's room, searching frantically for some way to defend herself, or better still to escape. There was nothing. Her wand was downstairs somewhere, carelessly set aside in the foolish belief that they were safe. That had been her first mistake. She ought to have known that they were never safe.

Grabbing a chair and some boxes that were scattered around the room, she attempted to barricade herself in. It was pointless – she knew that – but she had to do something. She couldn't just give up.

She and James had escaped Voldemort before, often against all odds, but this was the most desperate situation they had ever been in. She truly could see no way out. She didn't even have a wand to fight him off with, and that made her incredibly vulnerable. She could only hope that James was faring better.

* * *

He was not. Standing in the front hall, knowing it was only seconds before Voldemort smashed through the door, he had given up all hope of himself surviving. All he dared hope for was that he might be able to buy some time for Lily and Harry and that they might somehow make it out.

His mind flashed to their Secret Keeper and several things clicked into place. Wormtail's secretive, almost guilty behaviour; the way he'd been avoiding meeting James' eyes; his reluctance to become their Secret Keeper. They'd all known there was a spy in their midst, but he'd never once considered that it might be one of the Marauders. His friends would never betray him, or so he'd thought.

His only consolation was that Wormtail really _hadn't _wanted to become their Secret Keeper. Perhaps he had betrayed them, but at least he hadn't wanted to.

James felt like he ought to be angry with his so-called friend, but somehow he couldn't manage that right now. All he felt was a deep sadness for Peter, the poor boy who'd always been the weakest of the four of them, and who would never find the happiness that James had found, even in his very short life.

'I forgive you, Wormtail,' he said softly to thin air, before turning to face his last enemy.

The door flew open and Voldemort stepped through, wand gripped tightly in his hand. James found that he was no longer afraid of this man. Now that he'd accepted what was going to happen he felt a deep sense of calm. The worst thing this man could bring was death, and there were worse things by far than that.

'Step aside, boy,' Voldemort hissed, 'I have great respect for you and your wife. Bring me the boy and I will allow you both to live.'

James snorted. He doubted Voldemort had ever respected anyone in his life.

'No,' he said firmly, 'Take me instead. Kill me, and leave Harry alone.'

'Very well,' Voldemort sneered, 'I will kill you, if that is your wish. But it is a pity. I do hate to kill someone of such pure blood.'

'Just kill me,' James said again, 'Not Harry. Kill me.'

Voldemort raised his wand. James took a deep breath. _Goodbye, Lily, _he thought, _I love you. Goodbye._

And then there was a flash of green light, and the short but wonderful life of James Potter came to an end.

* * *

Up in the bedroom, Lily felt a change, like her whole world had been knocked sideways. She felt James leave, and a part of her soul left with him. There was no grief, though. Not right now. She wasn't sad that James was dead, because she was sure that in a few minutes she would be joining him, and that made her happy. Alive or dead: it didn't really matter so long as she and James were together.

That was when she remembered Harry. Sweet, innocent, beautiful little Harry, who had a whole life ahead of him that he deserved to get to live. Tears began to pour down her cheeks as she thought of what her son was about to lose.

She dropped him into the cot behind her and threw herself in front of it, desperately trying to shield him from Voldemort, who now stood in the doorway of the room.

'Not Harry, not Harry, please not Harry!' she cried.

'Stand aside, you silly girl ... stand aside, now ...'

'Not Harry, please no, take me, kill me instead –'

Voldemort raised his wand.

'_Stupefy!_' he said, and she only had time to scream Harry's name before the world went black.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

When Lily opened her eyes she was in what appeared to be the Hogwarts Hospital Wing. This was rather a surprise to her, mainly because she hadn't actually expected ever to open her eyes again. Within several moments of waking up, a great deal of things came rushing back to her all at once, and she was forced to close her eyes again and take several deep breaths while she sorted her thoughts into a comprehensible and prioritised order.

First: James. He was gone. She hadn't actually seen it happen, but she had no doubt whatsoever about it. She'd left him leave, felt the whisper of goodbye touch her heart as he brushed gently against it. He was gone, and he wasn't coming back. At the time it hadn't bothered her because she'd thought she was going with him. Now the emotion almost overwhelmed her. How could James be gone? _Her_ James – her husband and her lover and her soul mate. It was almost incomprehensible. A world without James didn't make sense. A life without James was barely worth living.

This was too much to cope with right now, so she pushed it away, supressing her emotions in a way she hadn't even known she was capable of until now. There were many other things to deal with, things that were all very important.

Second: Harry. Was he okay? She wasn't sure why or how she was still alive, but she could only hope that Harry was too. Perhaps, against all odds, someone had succeeded in rescuing them. It seemed unlikely, even impossible, but how else could she be lying in the Hospital Wing at Hogwarts?

Third: Wormtail. He had betrayed them. She partly blamed herself for that. There was no way James would have suspected one of his best friends, but she ought to have been able to be more objective about it. She ought to have spotted the signs, which were so obvious in hindsight, but which none of them had seen at the time.

At this point she decided to open her eyes again. Fourth on her list was finding out what was going on, and she couldn't do that with her eyes closed.

She was definitely in the Hospital Wing. She hadn't been in for herself very many times while at school, but she'd come in to visit James and Sirius enough times that she could recognise it almost instantly.

Turning her head to her left, she discovered that somebody was sitting by her bed. Someone very familiar, though her contact with him had been minimal since the end of fifth year. Severus Snape.

Her automatic reaction was to be relieved that it was him sitting beside her, and not some awful Death Eater. Then she remembered that he _was _a Death Eater, and began to panic. She sat up very quickly, startling him.

'Where's Harry?' she demanded, 'What have you done to him? Have you hurt him?'

Severus flinched as though she had slapped him.

'I haven't … I would never … he's fine. He's safe.' She ignored his stammered answer and pulled herself out of the bed. Glancing around, she discovered that, apart from Severus, she was alone in the Hospital Wing. The rest of the beds were empty, and Madame Pomfrey was nowhere to be seen.

'Where is he?' she asked again, 'I swear if you don't tell me where my son is right now-' Her voice was rising hysterically, and Severus began to look rather alarmed. He was saved from having to answer, however, as the door swung open and Albus Dumbledore strode in, a small group of people in his wake. Lily breathed an enormous sigh of relief. If Dumbledore was here then she was in the care of the Order, not captured by Death Eaters, and that meant Harry was probably okay.

'Ah, Lily, you're awake,' Dumbledore said slowly, 'As you can see, a great deal of people have been rather worried about you.'

He gestured to the people standing behind him. They were all members of the Order, all dear friends. Lily's eyes flew instantly to Remus, the only person there to whom James had meant as much as he had to her. He was very pale, and his eyes were red and swollen. She stepped forwards and embraced him, holding on tightly. He hugged her close to his chest, clearly knowing instinctively that she needed to be held, needed to share this loss with someone who understood.

When they broke apart, Lily could feel tears streaming down her face. The rest of the group stood silently, allowing her the space to try and comprehend what had happened. She knew this wasn't the time to mourn, though. There were other things to be dealt with.

'Harry?' she asked, looking at Dumbledore. He nodded.

'He's fine, Lily. Surprisingly so, considering …' he broke off, and Lily began to panic again.

'Considering what?' she asked, 'What's happened? What did Voldemort do to him?'

'Considering … he was hit with a Killing Curse,' Dumbledore said gently. Lily stared. That didn't make sense. They'd just said Harry was fine. No one was fine after they were hit with a Killing Curse. They were dead. Had Dumbledore finally lost it altogether? She said nothing, hoping he would explain further. He did.

'Voldemort cast Avada Kedavra,' he said, 'Yet somehow Harry survived. The curse rebounded and hit Voldemort instead.'

'So Voldemort's gone?' Lily asked. It seemed too easy.

'For just now, certainly,' Dumbledore agreed, 'Whether he will stay "gone" remains to be seen. He is certainly no threat to us now, and probably won't be anytime in the near future. All of Wizarding Britain is celebrating. The war is over.'

Over. The war was over. It seemed impossible. They'd fought so hard and for so long that it had begun to seem like they could never won. And now they had. Voldemort had been defeated. And what's more, defeated by her one-year-old son. It made no sense.

'I understand that this is a lot to take in all at once,' Dumbledore said sympathetically, 'Try not to worry about it all right now. I understand that you have a lot to cope with at the moment.'

Lily nodded, barely listening to him. Her mind was racing. Suddenly she remembered something.

'Wormtail!' she gasped, turning to Remus, 'Peter! Where is he? He's the-'

'Dead,' Remus said flatly, 'He's dead.'

'What? How? What happened?'

'He went after Sirius. Wanted his own revenge, I guess. Poor Wormtail. He never stood a chance against Sirius, of course. Sirius blew the whole street up. Killed twelve innocent muggles, as well as Peter. The Aurors got him though, and he's on his way to Azkaban as we speak.'

Lily stared at Remus. For a moment she was so stunned she couldn't seem to make her mouth work. Then the words all came tumbling out at once.

'Sirius wouldn't … he's not … you've made a mistake. He can't have-'

'He's the traitor, Lily,' Remus said, breaking into her convoluted little attempt to explain, 'He betrayed you to Voldemort. He betrayed us. Betrayed James.'

'No he _didn't_!' Lily exclaimed, 'That's what I'm trying to tell you! _Wormtail _was the traitor. We changed Secret Keeper at the last minute. It was Peter who betrayed us to Voldemort, not Sirius. Sirius never would. You've got the wrong man!'

Everyone's faces showed identical expressions of shock at this revelation, but Lily was watching Remus. As he registered what she had said, a spark of hope appeared in his eyes. Hope that perhaps he hadn't lost all three of his best friends in one go, and that perhaps he still had one.

'I'll send an owl to the Ministry of Magic immediately,' Dumbledore said, turning to stride from the room. His departure left the room entirely silent. Lily's friends were watching her apprehensively, as though unsure how to handle her. She forced a smile, trying to reassure them that she was alright.

'So where _is _Harry?' she asked, glancing around to see if any of them might be holding her son.

'He's with Molly,' Arthur Weasley explained, 'Dumbledore needed someone to look after him while you were unconscious, and you know what Molly's like with kids. Seven of her own and that's still not enough; she has to look after everyone else's for them as well.'

This raised another question.

'How long have I been unconscious?'

'About a week.' It was Diana – an old schoolmate of Lily's – who answered this time, 'You had all the symptoms of someone who'd just been hit with a Stunner, but you wouldn't wake up. Dumbledore tried everything. You just stayed unconscious.'

'We were starting to wonder whether maybe our temporary adoption of Harry might have to be permanent,' Arthur admitted. Lily frowned.

'That's odd,' she said, 'I'm sure it was just Stupefy that he hit me with.'

'Perhaps it was just particularly strong,' Lupin said, 'After all, this is _Voldemort _we're talking about. He was incredibly powerful.' The word "was" sounded odd, but wonderful, in relation to the monster who had caused so much fear for so long. It was hard to believe that he was in the past tense now. He was gone. They were free. It was still difficult to comprehend.

'Who cares what curse it was?' said Andromeda Tonks cheerfully, 'All that matters is that you're okay now.' Lily nodded, smiling tearfully around at her friends. They'd been fighting together for so long, struggling to overcome Voldemort and the Death Eaters, and now it was over. She'd imagined this moment so many times – how they would all celebrate together – but now it wasn't right. Every time she'd imagined it, James had been there. They'd been supposed to either die fighting together, or celebrate together at the end. How could she celebrate now?

Suddenly she wanted to be alone. She loved her friends dearly, but she couldn't be with them right now. Their sympathetic gazes were suffocating her. She had to get out, get some space.

'I'm going for a walk,' she announced, slipping past them. They watched her go, but no one tried to come after her.

The corridors of Hogwarts were empty and silent. The students were no doubt off celebrating with their families that it was over and they were all alive. It was a little eerie, and she was relieved to reach the front doors and get out into the cool, fresh air.

Standing at the edge of the lake, under that tree where James and his friends always used to hang out, she let the memories wash over her. The way he'd always sat here, messing up his hair and playing with that awful snitch and sneaking glances at her. The way her friends had wondered at why on earth she kept turning him down. The denial she'd felt when she found herself sneaking glances back at him and starting to think the ruffled hair was kind of endearing, rather than completely stupid. The way she'd felt when the two of them had found themselves sitting out here alone, and he'd asked her out again – seriously this time. Their first kiss, also under this tree.

The tears poured freely now, unchecked by her previous desire to appear calm and in control. It didn't matter now. Who cared what she looked like? James was gone, and nothing mattered in comparison to that.

'Lily?' A voice broke through her sobs. Brushing the tears from her eyes, she turned towards the person who had joined her by the lake.

It was Severus.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

Lily stared blankly are her old friend for several moments. She was sure she was supposed to feel something towards him: anger or regret or disappointment. _Something._ And yet all she felt was a kind of numbness, as though she didn't have the energy to care about anyone in any way anymore.

'Shouldn't you be in Azkaban or something?' she asked dully, 'Our side's won, you lot have lost. Isn't that what they normally do with Death Eaters: send them to Azkaban?' Once upon a time she might have injected some bitterness, some anger, into her tone, but even the betrayal of her former best friend failed to anger her now. All her emotion belonged to James. She didn't have any to spare for anyone else.

'I'm not a Death Eater, not anymore,' Severus said quietly, watching her carefully for her reaction. Lily had no reaction. She couldn't bring herself to care.

'So you switched sides at the last minute?' she said, 'How very sensible of you. Though I'm not sure you'll be able to convince someone like Dumbledore to trust you.'

'Dumbledore does trust me,' Severus said, matching her even, emotionless tone, 'I've been acting as his spy for rather a while now, providing him with information about the Dark Lord's movements.'

'Oh.' Lily did feel something now: surprise. She had always hoped that Severus would change his mind, but had never really thought it likely. She'd given up hope almost completely when she found out he'd been given the Dark Mark, and was officially one of Voldemort's followers. After all, once someone became a Death Eater, they were stuck in it for life. It wasn't simply a matter of deciding you no longer felt like it and expecting to be left alone after that. You either remained loyal to Voldemort, or you died. Simple as that.

But Severus had become a spy. She had to admit that was incredibly brave. Perhaps not enough that she could instantly forgive him and become best friends again, but very brave nonetheless.

She couldn't think about this right now. She ought to have been thrilled that her old friend had chosen the right side at last. Perhaps she would be, once she was actually capable of emotion like that again. Right now, though, she just wanted to remember James.

She sat down under the tree, staring out towards the lake and hoping that Severus would go away. Not that she minded his presence exactly, but she'd come out here to get away from people who watched her nervously, feeling like they ought to say something to comfort her but unable to figure out what. She didn't want to be comforted and she didn't want sympathy. She just wanted silence and space, and if her friends couldn't understand that then she'd rather be alone.

She had underestimated Severus' ability to understand her, however. They hadn't spoken in several years, but he still seemed to sense exactly what she needed, just as he always had. He sat down quietly a few metres away from her, also staring out towards the lake. He didn't try to offer condolences or promise her that the pain would get better over time, as she was sure most of her friends would have done. He didn't even try to hug her or console her. He simply sat with her, providing a comforting presence by her side as she replayed all the memories of James. The night he had proposed, their wedding day, the moment she told him she was pregnant, the look in his eyes when he held Harry for the first time: each played out before her in vivid detail. She wanted to imprint every tiny little part of him into her memory. Her friends might have told her that this was a dangerous thing to do, that it would make it harder to forget. But that was the point; she didn't want to forget. James deserved better than that. He deserved to be remembered forever.

Sobs racked her body. She didn't normally cry loudly. Normally the tears flowed silently. She just wasn't one of those people who sobbed noisily. But now she was unable to keep the grief locked inside and it escaped her body in loud, undignified wails. She screamed as if in actual, physical agony, cursing the unfairness of it all. She found herself envying all those couples who had died together, or survived together. Both fates seemed equally wonderful in comparison to being so cruelly torn from the one she loved.

"Why?" she whispered, "Why didn't I die, too? Why did I have to survive?" She didn't expect an answer to her question, but received one nonetheless.

"Because Harry needs you," Severus said softly, startling her. She had all but forgotten he was there.

"Harry," she said slowly, "Yes, he does need me. What would have happened to him if I'd died as well as James?" It was a horrible thought. Poor little Harry, all alone in the world.

"He'd have gone to your sister," Severus replied, though she didn't really need him to. She'd figured it out for herself.

"Yes," she agreed, "Dumbledore always has believed in the importance of family connections, and Petunia's the closest family I have. Can you imagine her reaction if she'd discovered she was expected to look after Harry?" Severus gave a little chuckle, and she couldn't help but grin herself at the thought of Petunia's face if she'd been told she had to bring up her freakish sister's son.

"You're right, Sev," she said, "I couldn't have left Harry. That would have been awful. It's just … it's so hard to imagine life without James. I don't want to bring Harry up with only one parent. He shouldn't have to live life with just a mother and a memory of a father."

"Better than living life with only an aunt who hates him, and whatever other awful family your sister might have now."

"You never did like Petunia very much, did you?"

"She didn't like me very much either."

"That's true."

They lapsed into silence. Lily found himself imagining what would have happened if Harry _had _been sent to live with Petunia. She liked to think that her sister might have been able to change, and to treat her nephew well. She wasn't sure, though. Petunia really did despise magic, and Lily thought that Harry's magic would probably cancel out any more positive feelings Petunia might have been able to develop towards her nephew.

Just thinking about Harry helped Lily to calm down a little. She still had something to live for. Perhaps she didn't have James, but she had his son. Her son.

"How long is it going to hurt for?" she asked, "How am I supposed to go on without him?" This time her old friend didn't have an answer. He simply shrugged and handed her a handkerchief. The gesture was just so typical of him – dealing with the practical things when he wasn't sure how to deal with the emotion – that she found herself laughing. It was an empty, hollow laugh – she wasn't sure she'd laugh properly again for a long time – but it made her feel a little better, a little more human.

"Thank you, Sev," she said, taking it and wiping her eyes. Then she wondered at how easily and naturally she had returned to calling him Sev and relying on him to make her feel better, as though they hadn't spent the last few years not speaking to one another.

"Lily," he said gently, "I know this isn't exactly the perfect time, but there are some things I'd like to say to you."

"Of course," she replied, "Go ahead."

"Well firstly I'm sorry. For what I said that day in fifth year. I know I apologised about a hundred times just afterwards, but I want to apologise again. I can see more clearly now how stupidly I was behaving at the time. I truly am sorry, Lily." She nodded.

"I know," she said, "I forgive you. And I'm sorry, too. I shouldn't have ended our friendship over one silly, little word. Best friends are supposed to stick together through everything, and they're supposed to forgive each other. I gave up on out friendship too quickly."

"And secondly," he continued, "I wanted to say that you were right. You told me that I should stay away from the other Slytherins, the ones who wanted to be Death Eaters. Getting mixed up in all that was one of the worst decisions I've made in my life. I guess I wanted a bit of power or something, but I very quickly realised that being a Death Eater wasn't something I could do. The things the Dark Lord was asking me to do were … absolutely wrong. I knew I'd picked the wrong side, and I knew I had to change. Particularly after … well, particularly after the Dark Lord decided he was going to kill you and your family."

Lily felt her eyes fill with tears.

"Help me, Sev," she said, "I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Everyone's going to tiptoe around me, watching me sympathetically but not really knowing how they're supposed to deal with me. And somehow I've got to look after Harry, and put on a brave face so that the others don't worry about me too much. But I just don't think I'm that strong, Sev. I don't think I can be that strong without James. What am I supposed to do?"

Severus slid sideways so that he was sitting closer to his old best friend and put an arm around her, allowing her to rest her head on his shoulder. It scared him, seeing Lily like this. She was never this needy or emotional. Ever. And she hated to ask for help. She couldn't bear to look weak, and she would never let anyone worry about her for fear that it would be difficult for them.

At that moment, if Severus could have brought James Potter back to life, he would have given his own life to do so. James' death had hurt Lily in a way nothing else in her life ever had. The rejection by her beloved sister, the loss of so many friends who had been murdered by the Dark Lord: nothing had broken her spirit in the way this had. And it didn't matter that he despised James, and that he would have given anything to have Lily love _him _like that instead; if he could have brought Lily's husband back to her then he would have sacrificed anything to do so.

It was then that Severus Snape realised just how deeply he loved Lily Potter.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

They sat by the lake for a very long time. Only once the sun began to set in a blaze of gold and red (James would have been proud of such a Gryffindor sunset) did Lily finally realise how late it was getting. She stood up, stretching out her stiff limbs.

"We should head in," she said, breaking the silence for the first time in hours, "They're going to start thinking I've been kidnapped or something."

"They've been checking on you every hour or so," Severus replied, "Someone comes to the door, glances down at us and goes back in."

"Oh." Lily wasn't sure how Severus had noticed this. They'd been sitting with their backs to Hogwarts, and as far as she knew he hadn't turned round at all. She didn't question it. "Well we'd still better go in," she said. Severus nodded.

They made their way up to the castle. Lily was dreading going in. When she did, she would have to return to real life. She would have to interact with her friends, and find out whether they'd lost anyone else. She'd have to discover what had actually happened to Voldemort, and how they were going to go about putting the world back together if he truly was gone. She'd have to look after Harry, which had never before seemed like a task or a burden, but which suddenly seemed infinitely more difficult now that James wouldn't be here.

It was just about bearable out here, sitting by the lake with Severus and living in the memories. It didn't feel so real. Once she went in there it was real life. Real life without James, which barely seemed like real life at all.

Severus held open the door and slowly, very slowly, she stepped inside.

Her friends were all inside. They were doing a very good job of looking casual, sitting and chatting on the staircase or leaning against the wall as though they had just happened to decide to hang around here, but she knew they were waiting for her. The identical, relieved expressions that spread over their faces when they saw her did nothing to disprove this.

"Lily!" Diana said, "Come and join us. We were just wondering how long it's going to take Dumbledore to get Sirius out of Azkaban." Her voice was cheery, but there was a false note to it.

"The Ministry had better not make too much trouble about it," Arthur said, "You know how slow they can be about this sort of thing, insisting on multiple witnesses and lots and lots of paperwork."

"But there aren't multiple witnesses," Lily said, suddenly worried, "Only James and I knew we'd changed Secret Keeper. It seemed like such a good idea at the time, changing to someone less obvious, without telling anyone about the switch. Particularly with that rumour going round about there being a spy in our midst. Obviously it didn't help in the end," she said bitterly, "Since the spy was much closer than we'd ever suspected."

"Who'd have thought it?" Diana said, "Little Peter always seemed so devoted to James."

"I guess he found someone more powerful to protect him," Lily said sadly. She couldn't find it in herself to be angry with him, in spite of what he'd done. She felt like she ought to be. She ought to be furious with him. Not for his betrayal of her, but for his betrayal of James, who had always trusted his three friends implicitly, and would have defended them to the death. Wonderful, loyal James. And Wormtail had taken him away from her.

But she wasn't angry, because she knew James wouldn't have been angry. Sad, incredibly sad, and very hurt, but not angry.

"I knew it couldn't have been Sirius," Arthur said, "Sirius and James were too close. He would never have …" he tailed off. Lily decided not to point out that Arthur hadn't known it enough to defend Sirius when everyone else decided to throw him in Azkaban.

She spotted Remus, standing at the other end of the Entrance Hall on his own. She walked over to him.

"Hey," she said softly. She didn't ask how he was doing. He'd have said fine, and they'd both have known it was a stupid lie, but that there were no words to adequately describe how either of them were feeling.

"I just keep thinking of Sirius," Remus confessed, "He must have felt so betrayed when not one of us stepped in to defend him. James would have been furious if he'd known."

"Sirius won't blame you," Lily said, "He'd have done the same in your position. All the evidence pointed towards Sirius being the traitor. He could hardly have expected you to stick up for him after he appeared to have killed James."

"James would never have believed it," Remus pointed out, and Lily couldn't argue with that. James might have been able to accept that Peter had betrayed him, and perhaps even that Remus had, but never Sirius. He'd have defended Sirius regardless of all evidence to the contrary, and he'd have been right to. The loyalty and trust between Sirius and James had gone beyond simple friendship. They were like brothers; James had been far more like family to Sirius than Regulus ever had.

As if in answer to their thoughts, the doors swung open right at that moment and Sirius strode in. He gave them all a cheeky salute and a grin, but there was something in his face that wasn't right. Throughout Voldemort's rise to power, and even with the deaths of many of their friends and the daily struggles to stay alive, Sirius had always remained cheerful. He'd mourned their friends, of course, and he'd been capable of being serious when it was required. But he'd always been ready with a smile and a joke to lighten the atmosphere. Now, though, his eyes didn't sparkle like they had before. Some spark inside him had died along with James.

"Sirius!" Remus exclaimed. He rushed towards his friend, before stopping, uncertain. "I'm so sorry, Sirius," he said. For a moment the two of them stared at one another, and Lily worried that Sirius might not be able to forgive Remus his distrust. Eventually, however, his expression softened.

"I know," he said, "So am I. We should have told you about the change of Secret Keeper. But I persuaded James not to. I thought you were the spy. Can you ever forgive me?"

"Of course." The two men embraced, and Lily smiled. She was glad they had each other. They would need all the support they could give one another to deal with the loss of two friends. James' loss would probably be the easiest for them to come to terms with. He had died like a hero, and that was something they could honour him for. But to lose Peter through betrayal …

"Lily, if you have a moment to spare, I would like to speak with you." Lily turned in surprise to see Dumbledore standing in the doorway. He had come in very quietly behind Sirius.

"Of course," she said, "Up in your office?"

"Yes, that would do quite nicely. Severus, if you would also join us? There are some things we need to clear up."

The three of them left the Entrance Hall and walked slowly up to Dumbledore's office. Giving the password (Chocolate Frogs), Dumbledore led them up the moving staircase. They entered to find someone already standing there, holding a small bundle in her arms.

"Ah, Molly, I'm glad you received my message. I believe Lily is ready to take Harry again now."

Gratefully, Lily took her son from Molly's arms.

"Thank you for looking after him," she said, "I really appreciate it."

"Oh, it was no hardship, my dear," Molly said with a sad smile, "The least I could do, really. And he's such a well-behaved child."

"Thank you, Molly," Dumbledore said, "I believe Arthur is downstairs, and the two of you should probably be getting back home."

"Yes, we should," Molly agreed, "I left Bill in charge at home, which is never a good idea for a long period of time."

She bustled out, and Dumbledore motioned for Lily and Severus to take a seat in front of his desk. Lily did so, holding Harry carefully. He didn't look hurt in any way, and was currently sleeping peacefully in her arms. Spotting something red on his forehead, however, she brushed away his hair to reveal an ugly, lightning bolt-shaped scar. She gasped.

"What's that?" she asked, looking up at Dumbledore, "Where did it come from?" Dumbledore's faced remained impassive, but his eyes glistened. She got the impression that whatever he was about to tell her, he told her reluctantly.

"That is what we need to confirm," he said, "I know this may be difficult, but I would like you to try and recount exactly what happened that night at Godric's Hollow."

And so Lily did. She told of how she'd fled with Harry, leaving James to fight off Voldemort without even a wand. Looking back, it was hard to believe she'd abandoned her husband like that, but looking down at the precious bundle in her arms she knew she'd do it again for Harry's sake. James wouldn't blame her. She knew that.

When she reached the moment of James' death, she almost broke down. It took all of her self control to keep speaking, to follow the story through to the end. As she told of how Voldemort had given her the chance to stand aside, she realised that didn't really make sense. She was a muggleborn, a Mudblood. Why would he offer her the chance to live? It may have been Harry he particularly wanted to kill, but surely one more death wouldn't mean much to him?

Seeing her confusion, Dumbledore turned to Severus.

"I believe you may be able to explain that particular incident, Severus," he said, "Why did Voldemort not kill Lily when he had the chance?" Severus flinched at the name, and then looked down at his hands.

"Because I asked him not to," he said softly.

Lily stared at him incredulously.

"What?"

"When I heard that he was going to go after your son, I went to him and tried to persuade him to spare your life. I managed to convince him that James was valuable, that as a pureblood he shouldn't be killed. I even told him James might be persuaded to join us. I showed him some of my memories of James at his worst, when he was behaving like an arrogant bully, and claimed that he would make a good Death Eater." Lily flew to her feet, unable to believe what she was hearing.

"James would _never _have become a Death Eater!" she shrieked, "He was good and honourable and … how _dare _you?"

"I know," Severus said desperately, leaning away from her nervously, "I know he would never have agreed. But I thought it might buy him a little time, perhaps give him the chance to escape."

"And me?" Lily asked. She had calmed down now, realising that she'd overreacted. Severus had been trying to help them. She shouldn't repay him by screaming at him.

"That wasn't so easy, and in fact I pretty much failed. I resorted to begging him to spare you for my sake, and all that achieved was to prove how much you meant to me. In the end, he decided not to kill you himself, but to bring you back with him, and demand that _I _kill you. It was supposed to be a test of my loyalty to him.

"And would you have done it?" Lily asked, very quietly. She knew she shouldn't be so terrified of hearing the answer. After all, if Severus _had _killed her, it would have been in order to retain his cover, which would have been essential to him remaining a spy. And the information he would then have gathered could have gone on to save many more people's lives. This was a war. People made that kind of sacrifice all the time. But suddenly, she was really, really scared of what his answer was going to be.

"Never," he said firmly, and selfish relief flooded through her. She shouldn't care this much. She and Severus hadn't been friends for years. He didn't owe her anything. And yet … she did care. And she was relieved.

"But what would you have done?" she asked, "Would he have killed you for refusing?"

"Possibly," Severus said, "More likely he would simply have killed you and punished me. But I wouldn't have let it get that far. I would have done my best to get both of us out of there, and if that had failed I would have died trying."

He said all this calmly and matter-of-factly, as though it meant very little to him, but she knew him too well to think that was really the case. Severus wasn't good at showing emotion, and when he talked about the things that were the most important to him, he often took on a very neutral, expressionless manner.

"Thank you, Sev," she said gently, "For trying to save us."

"It may well be that he didn't only _try_," Dumbledore said, choosing this moment to re-enter the conversation, "If my theory is correct, the Severus' intervention is the only reason both you and Harry are alive today."

"But how? I mean, I understand that I'm alive because Voldemort decided to stun me rather than kill me straight away, but how on earth did Harry survive? And what happened to Voldemort? Does it have something to do with the scar?"

"Well, in order to fully answer those questions, I would need to be able to see what happened between James and Voldemort just before James was murdered. I don't suppose you were able to hear what was said between them?"

"No," Lily said, "I couldn't hear them. I was … a little distracted at the time." She had to hold back tears as she thought of the terror of that night, and the way James had been all on his own downstairs, facing Voldemort alone. He'd been so brave. So brave … and yet so stupid. If only he'd fled with them. Or pretended to go alone with Voldemort's offer. Or … something. If only.

Severus put a hand gently on her shoulder and looked at Dumbledore reproachfully.

"Is this really necessary?" he asked. Dumbledore's face softened.

"I'm so sorry, Lily," he said, "I know I must sound terribly insensitive. I suppose I'm just anxious to get to the bottom of this, and confirm for definite whether Voldemort is gone, and how permanent it is. But if you're not ready to talk about it yet …"

"No, I am ready," Lily said. She had to be strong. Dumbledore was right; this was important information, more important than her grief. "It's just … well I didn't hear anything. And we can't exactly ask Voldemort what happened, or James …" she stopped, struck by a sudden idea.

"Or maybe we can," she breathed. Dumbledore and Severus looked at her curiously. She took a deep breath. Explaining this was going to mean talking about James, and not just about his death. She was going to have talk about James when he was happy, about her memories of him when they were together and alive.

She took another deep breath. She could do this.

"Okay," she said, "Let me explain …"


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

"James was obsessed with documenting Harry's progress," Lily began, "He was determined that he wouldn't miss anything – first time crawling, first word, first steps. I did point out that since we were unable to leave the house and were with Harry at all times we were unlikely to miss anything, but he wanted to have it all recorded. Photos weren't enough; he wanted every single moment of Harry's early childhood on camera. He liked to be able to show Sirius all the funny little things Harry had done and boast about how clever his son was. So we set up a system, sort of like muggle CCTV cameras, except that they were linked to mine and James' wands, and we could view them like memories in a Pensieve. They were set up all over the house and … well we didn't switch them off. So I guess they will have recorded James …" she tailed off, but Dumbledore looked excited.

"And we could view them right now?" he asked, "In my Pensieve?" Lily nodded. She knew this was important, but she was suddenly terrified. She wasn't sure she could cope with watching James die. To stand there, a helpless spectator, as Voldemort killed her husband.

Severus noticed her reluctance.

"You don't have to watch it," he said gently, "Albus could go in on his own. You don't have to be there." Lily took a deep breath.

"No," she said, "I think I need to do this. But … Sev, you'll come with us?" She knew she sounded desperately pathetic at the end, needing her old friend to come with her. But she couldn't go through this on her own.

"Of course I will," he said, "But you should probably leave Harry in the office." She looked down in surprise. She had forgotten Harry was there; he was sleeping so peacefully and quietly. Severus was right. Harry didn't need to be a witness to his father's death. He was too young to be exposed to something like that.

Setting him gently down on one of the chairs, she watched as Dumbledore got his Pensieve out.

"We'll be back in a minute, Harry," she whispered. Then she muttered the little charm she and James had invented, followed by the date and time of the footage she wanted to see. A long, grey strand, less shiny and transparent than a proper memory, fell from the end of her wand into the Pensieve. The three of them gathered round, looking into it.

"Ready?" asked Dumbledore. Lily nodded, and leant forwards, feeling herself tip into the Pensieve.

When she landed, the front hallway was empty. She could hear Harry's happy giggling from inside the living room, but resisted the urge to look through the doorway. Seeing the three of them together and happy would be too hard. This was going to be difficult enough as it was without seeing more evidence of exactly how much she'd lost.

And then the wards were broken, and James was yelling at her to take Harry and go. She heard herself running through the kitchen, and then James burst through the doorway into the hall. He stood facing the front door, looking so brave and so resigned that Lily wanted to cry. More than that, she wanted to run forward and embrace him, to drag him away with her to safety, but she couldn't. Needing something solid to hold onto, she grabbed Severus' hand. He seemed surprised, but squeezed hers gently.

"I forgive you, Wormtail," James said aloud, confirming Lily's belief that he wouldn't have been angry with his old friend. Suddenly, she _wanted _him to be angry. He was about to die, to be taken away from her, and it was Wormtail's fault. Wormtail deserved to be punished. He had betrayed James, betrayed them all.

And then the door flew open, and Voldemort stepped inside. Even though she knew this was a memory, she felt herself draw backwards a little. But James didn't look scared. He looked calm, incredibly calm.

Unable to watch anymore, Lily buried her face in Sev's shoulder. She heard Voldemort offer to let James live, and she heard James beg Voldemort to kill him instead of Harry. She wanted to tell him to stop being so stupid, because Voldemort didn't work like that, but realised that actually she'd said the same thing herself.

And then Voldemort yelled the curse, and she heard James' body hit the floor. Severus held onto her tightly and pulled her up out of the memory, and they were back in the office. Lily suddenly realised she was sobbing into Sev's robes and pulled back, embarrassed.

"Sorry," she said. He didn't reply, but handed her another handkerchief. She began to wonder whether he had a stash of them with him, or whether he was just conjuring them up for her sake.

Dumbledore was watching her carefully.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that, Lily," he said sincerely, "But it was necessary, for Harry's sake. And I now realise that my suspicions were correct."

"What suspicions?" Lily asked, picking up Harry, who was still sleeping, and sitting down.

"It was James' sacrifice which allowed Harry to survive," Dumbledore explained, "In offering himself in Harry's place, he invoked a very powerful sacrificial magic, one which Voldemort, having no understanding of the power of love, completely overlooked. When he came to try and kill Harry, however, the curse was unable to touch him and instead rebounded, hitting Voldemort himself. The scar on Harry's forehead marks the place where he was struck, but he bears no other damage, making him the first person in my knowledge to ever survive the Killing Curse."

They all turned to look at Harry. He looked so peaceful and innocent, and far too fragile. Lily couldn't believe her tiny little son had been hit with a Killing Curse.

"What … what does this mean?" Lily asked. Dumbledore sighed. He suddenly looked very old and very tired.

"It means the prophecy was correct," he said. Lily looked at him blankly, but beside her she heard a sharp intake of breath from Severus.

"What prophecy?" she asked. Briefly, Dumbledore explained that a prophecy had been made, referring either to Harry or to Neville Longbottom, Frank and Alice's son. He told her that this prophecy was the reason he had advised her, James and Harry to go into hiding, and that the mark on Harry's head clearly showed that he was the one marked by Voldemort "as his equal". And he told her that her son was the only one with the power to destroy Voldemort once and for all.

When he had finished, Lily's head was spinning. Little Harry, _her _little Harry, the one who would finish this war? It wasn't possible.

"But he's only a baby," she protested.

"I know," Dumbledore agreed, "But although Voldemort is not yet gone for good, the Killing Curse which rebounded and hit him has certainly earned us a respite. It may be years, perhaps even decades, before he builds up the strength to return. I don't know how long we have, but I know he _will_ return."

"And you want to raise Harry as a weapon for when he does," Lily said coldly. She had always respected that Dumbledore had to make some difficult decisions as their leader, for the benefit of everyone, and that sometimes he was willing to make sacrifices that the rest of them could never have managed. But to bring her son into this, before he was even old enough to understand what was going on? That was too much.

"I'm not saying this out of personal choice," Dumbledore said, "I would like nothing better than to let Harry lead a completely normal life, and to find some other way to win this war. But there are going to be others who won't allow that. Firstly, the Death Eaters. As we speak, Aurors are working to round them up, but many are still free. And they're certainly going to blame Harry for their Lord's demise. They may even try to seek revenge. For that reason, both you and Harry need to stay somewhere safe, at least until they are all safely in Azkaban.

"Secondly, the entire Wizarding World. We cannot allow any details about the prophecy, or the way in which Harry managed to survive, to become public. This means the Wizarding public will see Harry simply as the child who succeeded in vanquishing in the Dark Lord when nobody else could. Naturally, rumours will circulate. Harry will come to be known as a hero. There is absolutely nothing we can do to stop this.

"And finally, Voldemort himself. Having heard the prophecy, Voldemort will most certainly see Harry as a threat, and will seek to eliminate him as soon as possible once he returns to power. This puts Harry in a great deal of danger."

"So what am I supposed to do?" Lily asked. This was all so overwhelming. Just a week ago, she, James and Harry had been safely hidden away from the world, just the three of them. Yes, the war had still affected them, but they'd felt secure in the belief that their friend's loyalty would keep them from harm. And they'd been happy. And now here was Dumbledore telling her that her son's life would be in danger from now until Voldemort could be destroyed, if that was even possible, and that he was somehow expected to save the world.

Seeing her face, Dumbledore's expression softened.

"I'm sorry," he said gently, "This is too much to ask you to cope with right now. You don't have to do anything at the moment. However, we do have to ensure that you and Harry are safe. One way to do this would have been to invoke the protection of James' sacrifice by sending you to stay with blood relatives of his. However, as I understand it, James had no living relatives."

Lily shook her head.

"His parents' died not long after mine. And since I don't talk to my sister, neither of us really had any family left after that. We just had each other."

"In that case," said Dumbledore, "I believe the only truly safe place for you would be here at Hogwarts. As I suppose it is unlikely you wish to return to Godric's Hollow, and since we have an opening for the position of Muggle Studies Professor, I propose that you come and join the teaching staff here at Hogwarts. You and Harry will of course be provided with accommodation within the school, and as I recall it, you always were an excellent teacher, back when you used to run those little study groups for the younger students."

Lily was taken aback. She hadn't expected an offer of a job. She'd thought they'd just be staying at Hogwarts temporarily, until the danger died down a bit.

But then again, where would she go if she didn't stay here? It wasn't like she had a proper job to go to. The war had been such a dominant part of their lives when she left Hogwarts that she hadn't really considered her long-term career. All that really mattered was surviving from one day to the next. She'd worked as a shop assistant for a bit, and as a waitress, but never anything permanent.

And she would enjoy teaching. Particularly Muggle Studies. She'd spent half her school career doing that anyway, correcting all the ridiculous stereotypes some of her classmates had about muggles. It would be nice to do it in a more official capacity. And it would be nice to be back at Hogwarts again. Back where she'd been happy, before everything had gone wrong.

"Can you give me a few days to think about it?" she asked Dumbledore, "I think I'd like to, but I need a bit of time to decide for definite."

"Of course," Dumbledore smiled, "The students have all gone home anyway, and it might take a bit of time for everything to get sorted out and for the school to reopen. There's no hurry. Take as long as you like."

"Thank you. I'm going to take Harry downstairs now, if there's nothing else you need to talk to me about? I want to talk to some of the others."

"Naturally. Take care, Lily."

Severus watched as Lily left the office, then turned back to the headmaster.

"Have you had any more news about my trial?" he asked anxiously.

"I talked to the Minister today," Albus said, "The Ministry are happy for you to remain at Hogwarts until a date is set for the trial. Mainly, I think, because they don't have any available Aurors to come and take you to Azkaban, and because they know I would strongly resist their efforts. I think it may be a while before they have time for your trial. The public wants to see justice done, and there are a great deal of other Death Eaters who need to be dealt with in order for that to happen. Your trial will be more of a formality really. The Minister knows you are innocent, and as far as I know nobody intends to give evidence against you."

Severus sagged with relief.

"Thank you, Albus," he said. It wasn't often that gratitude was so evident in his voice, but right now he was very aware of how much the headmaster had done for him. If it weren't for Albus, he'd probably be rotting away in Azkaban right at that moment.

"Well I do have something else to ask of you," Albus said, "I noticed Lily seemed to be rather dependent on you a few minutes ago. Can I take that to mean that she has forgiven you for your previous actions?"

"I don't know," Severus said slowly, "She certainly says so, but I don't think she's really in a state to know her own feelings at the moment. She's grieving and vulnerable and she needs a friend to be there for her, someone who really understands her. It's not surprising that she turned to me. It's very likely that once she's stronger emotionally and thinking more clearly she'll realise that there are still a lot of things to be worked out between us."

He kept his voice as neutral as possible, trying not to give away just how much this meant to him. The way Lily had grabbed his hand during the memory, and then had turned to hold onto him, had reawakened some part of his heart he'd though had died years ago. To be needed like that, like he had been back when they were eleven and she was venturing into a completely new world which she knew nothing about, but which she'd believed him to be the expert on. To be needed like he had been when her sister had ignored all of her letters, and she'd cried on his shoulder for hours. He'd almost forgotten the way she was capable of making him feel valued and necessary with a single gesture.

"I agree that she needs somebody to be there for her," Albus said, "And much as their intentions are good, the rest of her friends aren't going to be able to do that for her. For them this is a time of celebration, a time to be happy because the war is over. Oh, perhaps Sirius and Remus understand what she has lost, but they will be too busy coping with their own loss to fully support her."

"What are you saying?"

"I want you to stay at Hogwarts, Severus. Harry's not the only one in danger of vengeful Death Eaters. As a spy, you may well be blamed for Voldemort's downfall by his more loyal followers. After all, it was your information that led him to Godric's Hollow that night. And I appear to be lacking a Potions Professor. Will you stay, Severus?"

Severus had to admit the man was good. Mentioning Lily first, so that he'd find it almost impossible to refuse.

"Very well," he sighed, "I'll stay. But don't expect me to be a good teacher. I'm nothing like Lily. I'm terrible with people, and I can't stand kids."

"Thank you, Severus," Albus said with a smile, "I appreciate it."

So that was it. He was a teacher. The last thing he'd have expected to end up doing with his life. But then again, he hadn't really thought past being a Death Eater. Having a normal job at all wasn't something he'd particularly considered.

It wasn't going to be fun, or easy. But what in his life ever was? And he'd be doing it for Lily.

That was all that mattered, in the end.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

** "**These three classrooms are at your disposal," Dumbledore explained, gesturing to the doors that lined the hallway, "Most teachers choose one classroom they prefer to teach in and then allow the students to use the others for any personal work or practice. Your office is just round the corner, and in your case the entrance to your personal quarters is actually in the office."

"Really?" Lily was intrigued. She'd always been curious about where the staff living quarters were hidden away. She didn't think she'd ever seen an entranceway to any of them, and that was saying something considering she'd been friends with the Marauders.

"I'll show you," Dumbledore said, smiling gently, "Follow me."

He led the way into the office, which was rather bare but a nice size. Lily was sure she could liven it up a bit once she moved in. She looked around curiously for any sign of an entrance, but couldn't see one. Dumbledore smiled again and placed his hand on the wall behind the desk. A panel of the wall slid away silently, revealing a flight of stairs.

Lily was impressed. She'd seen a lot of different hidden entranceways in her time, but this one was rather different to any of the others at Hogwarts. It was almost like something a muggle would design, though theirs would probably be fingerprint-operated.

"It will open only to your touch, and to mine," Dumbledore explained, "Any other member of staff who wishes to contact you can place their hand on the wall, and if you are in then you will be given the option to let them in or not."

They walked up the stairs and into what looked like a large flat. The wallpaper was a horrible, flowery pink, and the furniture matched in equally awful shades of pink and red. Dumbledore chuckled.

"Ah yes," he said, "I'd forgotten the current furnishings were so … unfortunate. The previous inhabitant was a little older than you. Of course, you may change everything as you wish. Feel free to redecorate." Lily laughed.

"It's got a lot of potential," she said, "But I reckon I should change the colour scheme before I bring Harry up here." She walked through the rooms, flicking her wand and altering things, until it was all to her satisfaction. There was a lovely little room that would do Harry very nicely. For just now she just made it an unimaginative blue, but she could change that later. Her own room was also lovely, though she avoided looking at the large, four-poster bed. It would feel horribly big, sleeping there alone.

She returned to the hallway, where Dumbledore was waiting for her, and they made their way back down the stairs to the office.

"Why did the last Muggle Studies Professor leave?" she asked as they walked, "If you can tell me, I mean. I was just curious, because you seem to be hiring a lot of new professors right now. You know, with Severus becoming Potions Master, and all those interviews you were holding to find a Defence Against The Dark Arts teacher."

"Yes, I do seem to have a lot of vacancies," Dumbledore mused, "In your case, I haven't actually had a Muggle Studies teacher for the last three years. Your predecessor began to receive rather a lot of threatening letters, warning her to resign her post or risk serious repercussions. She held in there as long as possible, but after narrowly escaping an attempt on her life during the summer holidays we decided it would be wiser for her to step down. Sadly, she was killed by Death Eaters three months later while doing work for the Order."

He paused for a moment, and Lily laid a comforting hand on his arm. She knew he tended to hold himself personally responsible for any death that had taken place in the War.

"As you know, Severus' predecessor was Horace Slughorn." Lily nodded, smiling as she thought of Professor Slughorn. He was a little ridiculous with all his connections and favourite students, but she was fond of him.

"Well, Horace has been planning to retire for several years now. However, I succeeded in persuading him that Hogwarts was by far the safest place for him during the War, but now that the danger is gone he intends to go ahead with his retirement plans. And in the case of Defence Against The Dark Arts – I simply seem to have trouble holding onto them. However, I hope that with the end of the War, people will begin to make longer-term plans and things will become a little less unpredictable."

Lily nodded again, and together they made their way down to the Great Hall. Dumbledore had transformed it into temporary living quarters for the last couple of weeks, but the pupils would be arriving back soon, which meant teachers had to move into their proper quarters and other visitors had to leave. Lily would miss having Remus and Sirius around all the time, as well as some of her other friends from the Order, but she was looking forward to being busy again. It had been hard just moping around for days on end, with nothing to distract her from all that had happened, and from the rather terrifying future that lay ahead of her son. James' funeral had taken place, and he'd been buried in the graveyard at Godric's Hollow. Remus had suggested the inscription on the gravestone: the last enemy to be destroyed is death. Having no other suggestions, Lily had agreed. She liked the idea that James didn't have any more enemies to face. It felt like he'd been fighting for most of his short life, and she didn't want him to have to fight anymore.

She couldn't help but feel relieved that Severus was going to be staying on as a professor. All the other teaching staff had been teachers when she was a student, and it was a little intimidating to suddenly be working alongside them. Besides which, she needed him right now. It felt like they'd fallen back into their old friendship exactly as it always had been, and that was exactly what she needed right now. She'd had a lot of friends, but never anyone she could define as her "best friend" the way she had with Sev. She didn't know how she'd have got through the first few weeks after losing James without him.

She knew it was only temporary. They couldn't continue indefinitely like this, friends again as though nothing had happened. Because something _had _happened, and the problems that had caused their division wouldn't go away just because she needed him. On top of which, if they did decide to stay friends, something would have to be done about Sirius and Remus. Well, mainly Sirius. He put up with Severus at the moment, so long as they didn't have to interact much, because he didn't want to argue with Lily while she was upset. But she knew that wouldn't last, and she wouldn't put up with them arguing like ridiculous adolescents forever.

That was only one of many problems that loomed ahead of her. Sometimes she felt like she was being crushed, like she couldn't possible be expected to deal with so much. How could one person be expected to do all that?

But right now she was safe, and Harry was happy, and for the moment that was all that mattered.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

"There have been a lot of different views of muggles going around lately, as I'm sure you're all aware. The propaganda spread over the last few years by the Death Eaters, and their leader, has depicted muggles as inferior, unintelligent and barbaric. This is not true, and if you take nothing else from my lessons then please remember that muggles are imaginative, forward-thinking and hugely inventive."

Lily scanned the faces in front of her, trying to ignore the nerves that were making her hands shake ever so slightly. Having persuaded Dumbledore that Muggle Studies ought to be a compulsory subject for everyone in Hogwarts, even if they chose not to take an exam in it, it was essential that she kept the interest of her students. This particular class were sixth years, but many of them had never had a Muggle Studies lesson before.

"Over the next few months," she continued, "We will be looking at some aspects of muggle culture, and the ways in which it is similar to or differs from our own. We will also examine the influence muggle culture has had on our own. After Christmas we will study some of the basic inventions which allow muggles to go through life without magic."

A boy in the front row yawned pointedly and muttered something to his friend, who laughed. At the back, a small group of girls were giggling about something, clearly unrelated to what Lily was talking about.

"Is it true that your parents are muggles?" a Slytherin girl asked. Lily's stomach plummeted. She knew this was going in a bad direction.

"I fail to see how that's relevant to the lesson," she said coldly.

"Cos my dad said it's disgraceful that Dumbledore would hire muggleborns to teach us," the girl continued, "He says they're not as good as _proper_ witches and wizards at magic, so they can't teach us properly."

Lily took a deep breath, trying to stop herself from snapping and yelling at the girl. She was going to be teaching these students for the next two years, and it wouldn't do to start off badly. Though this girl wasn't exactly making it easy for her.

"Your father is entitled to his opinion," she said calmly, "And there will be an opportunity for _intelligent _debate at some point later in the course. However, for now I would appreciate it if you would save your questions for the end of the lesson, and keep them strictly related to what we are talking about."

The girl clearly considered arguing, but stopped as she saw the look on Lily's face.

"Now, does anybody know the names of the three muggles who helped to found the Ministry of Magic?"

"That was exhausting," Lily said, collapsing onto the couch in the staffroom. Professor McGonagall – Minerva – smiled sympathetically at her.

"Teaching takes a bit of getting used to," she said, "And you're not teaching the easiest of subjects, considering how controversial an issue it is at the moment."

"I know," Lily sighed, "I just didn't think they'd all look so _bored._"

Minerva laughed.

"Oh I know what you mean," she said, "It's hard to understand how they can find it boring, when it's something you're passionate about. And I'm afraid you'll never get through to all of them. But don't worry: after a bit you'll start to see the ones who are as enthusiastic about the subject as you are. Just don't expect it to happen overnight."

Lily smiled gratefully, suddenly glad that she was working alongside such experienced teachers. She felt so young, and not really ready to be doing this. All the fifth, sixth and seventh years had already been at Hogwarts when she'd only been a student here, and she didn't feel qualified to go from being their Head Girl and fellow student to being their teacher. It would certainly be a while before she'd get used to being called "Professor Evans".

She'd decided to go back to using her maiden name as a teacher, for several reasons. Firstly, because excited first and second years immediately associated the name "Potter" with the newly famous Harry Potter, and that made it difficult to get them to actually focus on the lesson. And secondly, because "Potter" had been what she'd called James for years. She would always associate it with him, and it hurt too much to hear it on a regular basis.

She sat in the staffroom long after most of the other teachers went to bed, reading over her lesson plans for the next day. She was sure she'd get more relaxed about it once she got used to being a teacher, but right now she wanted to be as prepared as she possible could.

At around eleven in the evening, she glanced up as she heard someone else come in. It was Severus.

"How was your first day as a teacher?" she asked with a smile, glad to see someone else who was in the same situation as her. He scowled.

"They're all hopeless, arrogant little brats who don't know the first thing about potion-making," he said, "I don't know what Slughorn's been teaching them all this time, but it clearly wasn't respect."

"It can't have been _that _bad," Lily said.

"They called me _Snivellus,_ Lily! Snivellus! I'm their teacher! Their professor. Aren't they supposed to have a little more respect for me than _that_? And how did they even find out about that name?"

Lily had to fight to keep from laughing at her friend's outraged expression.

"I'm sure it'll die down soon if you don't react to it," she said, "Some of the older ones probably heard James and Sirius use it. But it won't last long."

"It certainly won't," Severus said darkly, "A couple of detentions spent slicing up frog's liver and they'll think twice about showing that kind of disrespect towards a professor!"

Lily sighed.

"You can't win respect from them through fear, Sev," she said patiently, "You'll just end up with them all hating you."

"Better that they hate me than think I'm some sort of pushover. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to bed."

Lily watched as Severus stormed out of the staffroom, then sighed again. She wasn't sure why he'd even become a teacher, really. Not that he was bad at _teaching_. He could explain things very clearly, if he wanted to. It was just that he didn't have much patience with anyone he didn't like, and he didn't like many people.

Putting her notes away, she got up and left the staffroom. It was about time she got some sleep, too. She was sure tomorrow would be another exhausting day.


End file.
